Integrity - Doing the right thing, even when nobody else is looking.
Maybe we should change that definition to ESPECIALLY when nobody else is looking! If you are a follower of Jesus then you know the truth - God sees it all. So now for the $100 question...knowing that, why do we struggle to choose to do the right thing?
I don't know about anyone else, but I seem to be stuck. I want what I want, I want it now, and I really want it sooner than that but now will be good enough! My selfishness...my desire...my flesh takes over at times and I just want to give myself what I desire instead of what I understand is best for me based on the Word of God.
What I have learned over my short time of walking with Jesus is that I will ALWAYS be stuck in this position until I do something freaky. It is so freaky I have to break it down into steps or else people, especially men, will go running into the streets and throw themselves under a bus.
1. I need to put myself under the leadership and authority of Jesus Christ - Faith - This is the first step to transformation.
2. I need to put myself under the leadership and accountability of other people (usually of the same gender) who will help me struggle through the process.
3. I have to be honest with Jesus AND the other people I am submitting to by telling them what I am struggling with so they can help me.
4. I have to be willing to listen to the counsel of the Holy Spirit AND of the Men (or Women) who God has brought into my life for the purpose of equipping and encouraging in the right way to go.
Nobody likes to be told what to do. However, if left up to our own devices, at least in my own experience, we will often choose the wrong path. God put us together for a reason - it was best for our growth. We just need to choose to do the best things to help us grow, instead of what we may really feel like doing.
What does this look like for you?
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Monday, March 1, 2010
Listen!
It has been my experience that one of the best tools a leader has available to them is the ability to listen. In fact, it is often more important to listen than it is to speak. Why? There is no way one person can pick up on all that is going on around them. Leaders usually have people around who can help them see what they are missing. The question is, will they listen?
Four easy steps to improve your listening skills:
1. Shut up. You can't possibly be listening if you are talking.
2. Tune In. Actively listen to the message. Do whatever you have to do to tune out distractions. Put your phone away - that text message you just got can wait another 10 minutes! And stop trying to formulate your rebuttal. You are not tuned in if you are thinking about what you want to say when the sender stops speaking. Additionally, your direct eye contact and receptive body language communicates to the sender that they are important.
3. Repeat it. Paraphrase what the sender said to you - just send the message back in your own words. This helps you, and the sender, know if you understood the message. How can you accurately and thoughtfully reply to a message unless you get it right in the first place?
4. Empathize. Try to put yourself in the sender's shoes. Why do they feel that way? Why do they believe that way? Then make a statement that validates what the other person is feeling or thinking. But how can you validate someone if they are wrong? If they are feeling it - it is real. Even if they believe something that is not true, it is real to them. Validating helps you understand why and prepares you to deal with the root of the issue without getting defensive. Validating also puts the sender at ease and opens the door for honest discussion.
What is the result of listening well? I’ve seen ideas for extremely innovative practices come from the lowest echelons of an organization. I’ve seen strained relationships mended and growth occur in both people as a result. I’ve also been able to find the “golden nugget” buried in the ranting of an angry opponent. There is usually a bit of truth buried in even the most unpleasant conversations!
All it really takes is for the leader to close their mouth, pay attention and listen to the people the good Lord put around them.
Four easy steps to improve your listening skills:
1. Shut up. You can't possibly be listening if you are talking.
2. Tune In. Actively listen to the message. Do whatever you have to do to tune out distractions. Put your phone away - that text message you just got can wait another 10 minutes! And stop trying to formulate your rebuttal. You are not tuned in if you are thinking about what you want to say when the sender stops speaking. Additionally, your direct eye contact and receptive body language communicates to the sender that they are important.
3. Repeat it. Paraphrase what the sender said to you - just send the message back in your own words. This helps you, and the sender, know if you understood the message. How can you accurately and thoughtfully reply to a message unless you get it right in the first place?
4. Empathize. Try to put yourself in the sender's shoes. Why do they feel that way? Why do they believe that way? Then make a statement that validates what the other person is feeling or thinking. But how can you validate someone if they are wrong? If they are feeling it - it is real. Even if they believe something that is not true, it is real to them. Validating helps you understand why and prepares you to deal with the root of the issue without getting defensive. Validating also puts the sender at ease and opens the door for honest discussion.
What is the result of listening well? I’ve seen ideas for extremely innovative practices come from the lowest echelons of an organization. I’ve seen strained relationships mended and growth occur in both people as a result. I’ve also been able to find the “golden nugget” buried in the ranting of an angry opponent. There is usually a bit of truth buried in even the most unpleasant conversations!
All it really takes is for the leader to close their mouth, pay attention and listen to the people the good Lord put around them.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Faith or Works?
It's clear that God has laid out His plan for our relationship with Him. He made us a promise.
Ephesians 2:8: For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast.
The promise? Trust in Christ - I've handled the rest.
I know I'm a child of God. Because God said so. He did all the work. He loved me first and paid the price for me to have this relationship. I've placed my faith in Christ. That was over 8 years ago.
Then God gave me another promise. He promised to change me - to transform me into the image of Jesus. But I recently realized that something went terribly wrong along the way. I began working on the list of things I had to do to change. Don't drink, don't smoke, don't cuss, don't lie...don't, don't, don't! As if by not doing certain bad things, but doing good things instead, I could actually change myself. It is a works-based approach to a faith-based problem!
What is wrong with my approach is that the problem is not my actions. The root of the problem lies in my heart. My actions are a result of what is in my heart. If I change my actions, but my heart does not change, I only cover up who I really am. I can do that for a while, but eventually the real me will come out again.
So how do I change my heart? Easy. I don't! Only God can change my heart. He does this by helping me gain a better understanding of who He is. The more I truly understand about the character of God, the more my heart changes to become more like Christ. Once again, I simply have to have faith that God will keep His promise and change me. I believe He will do it...I believe He IS doing it!
Not that we don't have any work to do - but our work is as a result of what God is doing in us first - not trying to control the situation on our end. We work out our faith by spending time with God in prayer, by reading His Word and by listening to the Holy Spirit. Our hearts change as a result of how accurate the picture we have of God.
The bottom line is that God just Rocks! He does all the real work. We just have to keep looking to Him for the next step in the process! If you are in the works rut - stop the madness! Live free in Christ!
Ephesians 2:8: For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast.
The promise? Trust in Christ - I've handled the rest.
I know I'm a child of God. Because God said so. He did all the work. He loved me first and paid the price for me to have this relationship. I've placed my faith in Christ. That was over 8 years ago.
Then God gave me another promise. He promised to change me - to transform me into the image of Jesus. But I recently realized that something went terribly wrong along the way. I began working on the list of things I had to do to change. Don't drink, don't smoke, don't cuss, don't lie...don't, don't, don't! As if by not doing certain bad things, but doing good things instead, I could actually change myself. It is a works-based approach to a faith-based problem!
What is wrong with my approach is that the problem is not my actions. The root of the problem lies in my heart. My actions are a result of what is in my heart. If I change my actions, but my heart does not change, I only cover up who I really am. I can do that for a while, but eventually the real me will come out again.
So how do I change my heart? Easy. I don't! Only God can change my heart. He does this by helping me gain a better understanding of who He is. The more I truly understand about the character of God, the more my heart changes to become more like Christ. Once again, I simply have to have faith that God will keep His promise and change me. I believe He will do it...I believe He IS doing it!
Not that we don't have any work to do - but our work is as a result of what God is doing in us first - not trying to control the situation on our end. We work out our faith by spending time with God in prayer, by reading His Word and by listening to the Holy Spirit. Our hearts change as a result of how accurate the picture we have of God.
The bottom line is that God just Rocks! He does all the real work. We just have to keep looking to Him for the next step in the process! If you are in the works rut - stop the madness! Live free in Christ!
Monday, February 22, 2010
Real Man?
I just turned 46 years old last month. I've spent the better part of the past year in evaluation mode - call it a prompting from God. I've found these promptings are usually followed by the realization that I don't really understand much at all!
For example, I believe God has called me to be a preacher, teacher and leader in His church. I've worked hard, especially over the past 5 years, to make myself available and be involved in any way I can help out. Mostly it has not turned out at all like I've expected.
1 Tim 3:5 has been hounding me for months: ...if a man does not know how to manage his own household, how will he take care of the church of God?
First I get defensive - Hey I'm a pretty good husband and father! I have a job and put food on the table! Besides, real men get their worth from being good on the job, or in the church...not by what they do at home. What is He trying to say?
What I'm hearing is this - You can't fake the funk at home. Deep down, your kids know who you are by what they have watched you do...and not do...as they grow up under you. Your wife certainly knows who you are by your willingness to sacrificially love her, to nourish her and cherish her (Ephesians). I may not be "bad" in this category, but could I look the Lord in the eyes and say that I gave it my best?...OUCH! What does it take to be a real man? Humility is a big factor - willingness to be corrected and take some action as a result.
I feel like God is starting a new chapter in my life. Not sure at all where it is going, but I'm going to try to share some of that experience here with you. I would appreciate hearing your own experiences, or comments on mine.
God Rocks!
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